Thai Hard: A Burger Experiment

Them's some fresh greens.

Them’s some fresh greens.

Anybody who’s been around a kitchen enough knows it’s never wrong to cook with wine. Pour some in the pan, and some in the glass (then repeat as needed). As important as wine is to the process of cooking, I think it’s imperative to cook with good herbs. Now, hold on—don’t go there. Spices, I’m talking spice, girls. What’s a fish taco without cilantro? Bruschetta without basil? Nothing that tickles my fancy, that’s for sure. Herbs provide food with that extra refreshing kick, taking any dish to the next level. It also helps the food taste authentic, giving it the taste of the region. Down in Mexico they love their cilantro, so adding it to tacos creates the nostalgia of cuisine they may have had while vacationing south of the border. Same goes with the cayenne and flavor of Texas barbeque rub, with the right combination of spices, you can create that signature bite.

There’s no denying, I’m totally hooked on food shows like Triple D, Man v Food, and the many adventures of Anthony Bourdain. I credit these shows for getting me passionate, not only about eating unique foods, but preparing them myself. The episodes are like video cookbooks—they literally show you how to create amazing dishes step by step. The other day I saw an episode where Guy Fieri was showcasing a Thai food truck and the chef put together a mouth-watering lamb burger—and put mint and cilantro in with the meat. She then topped the sandwich with some traditional slaw that you often see on Vietnamese and Thai sandwiches. I needed it. The crunch of the slaw, coupled with a refreshing minty burger, set against hot Thai peppers—yes, please. Before I could begin creating an Asian burger of my own, I was judo-chopped with more inspiration after a visit to Detroit’s Green Dot Stables and sampling their Korean slider. It’s a one of a kind burger, the likes of which I have never seen: topped with mild kim chi and peanut butter on the bottom. Somehow this combination of complete opposite flavors comes together perfectly. The hot(ish) kim chi cooled by the peanut butter to create what can only be described as harmony. There was no need to wait; I was ready to get started on my Thai Burger experiment.

Green Dot Stables' Korean Slider (Detroit)

Green Dot Stables’ Korean Slider (Detroit)

When I think of Thai flavors, peanut comes to mind first. Maybe that’s just because Pad Thai comes with peanuts? But I feel like it’s common there, so I was for sure going to follow the Green Dot’s lead and incorporate it into the burger. After doing some research, I had a list of ingredients put together and went out to the market. For the slaw topping, I gathered red peppers, broccoli slaw, garlic, cucumbers, basil, cilantro, ginger (great taste, but a lot of work to peel/grate), and a sweet red chili Thai sauce to marinate it all in for that extra hi-ya. You mix all of that together, add some salt and olive oil then set aside to cool.

Thai Slaw. Red pepper, ginger, cilantro, basil, broccoli slaw, garlic, and cucumber.

Thai Slaw. Red pepper, ginger, cilantro, basil, broccoli slaw, garlic, and cucumber.

Ordinary mayo wasn’t going to cut it with this theme, so something funky had to be created. That’s where the magic of cilantro comes into play. I’m a big supporter of cilantro. If cilantro cologne were a thing, I’d probably buy it. For this mayo concoction, there wasn’t a lot of creativity needed. Just add some cilantro and basil to the mayo, a squeeze of limejuice, light olive oil and throw that bad lad in the fridge—don’t serve warm mayo, homie (cc: Michael Scott).

Ooo white death.

Ooo white death.

The meat is where things start to really get interesting. Following the recipe of the food truck lady, you start by adding some mint to the ground meat. Not much is needed; mint can be pretty strong (although recommended on dates). Green onions then get added to the party, along with some crumbled Sriracha kettle chips for flavor and to use as a binding agent within the meat. Finish by adding some additional sweet red chili sauce to the equation, mix it all together, and get the grill a-going. When ready, apply peanut butter to the bottom bun, grill the top bun and add your cilantro mayo, then place the burger and top with the slaw mix. If you listen closely, you can hear your taste buds thanking you after each bite.

Finished product.

Finished product.

As Guy would say, these burgers were bomb-dot-com, on point, and approved by the Mayor of Flavortown. You almost forget that you’re eating a burger, because the unique flavors combine to create an entirely different eating experience. You now have all the ingredients needed to make it happen, or I encourage you to watch an episode to get inspired to re-create something on your own.

Happy Birthday, Man

I hate to say it, but it’s very easy to forget a friend’s birthday.  I’m not as active on Facebook as I once was, some friends aren’t even on social media any more, and at times it’s hard to keep track of my own birthday.  On top of that, what constitutes as wishing someone a happy birthday?  Does a Facebook post count?  I’ve had friends get mad at me over not wishing them a happy birthday, in a proper way.  So, I took the Larry David approach to the situation, and made a sketch on the subject.  Here is our new sketch “Happy Birthday, Man.”

Campus Chowdown Ep. 3- AFB Bar and Grill- Western Michigan University

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For the third installment of Campus Chowdown, we’re off the the Wild, Wild, Western Michigan University where we attempt to mount AFB Bar and Grill’s Bronco Challenge. Yee-haw.

Campus Chowdown Ep. 2- What Up Dawg? – Michigan State University

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In the second episode of Campus Chowdown, we return to East Lansing to face the Big Dawg Challenge (9 specialty hot dogs in 20 minutes). Will we be Top Dawg? Or go down as little wienies?

The Mystery of True Detective

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Between sleeping-in until noon, working nights, catching the flu from an eating contest for an episode of Campus Chowdown, and finally getting around to watching The Office (UK)—I haven’t had the time to check out True Detective, until this week (alright, alright, alright).  I saw all of the buzz it was generating on Twitter and was anxious to see if it was worth the hype.

From peoples Tweets I sort of understood what it was all about beforehand. My feed was practically drowning in piss-poor Yellow King memes and “jokes”, so going into it I knew there was some sort of mystery on who this “Yellow King” is.  I decided to make a night of the on-demand experience seeing how every episode garnered the Twitter attention of the Breaking Bad finale. I cleared all the plans I didn’t have, ordered pizza, hit the lights & lit candles to provide the optimal viewing experience. I was ready.  Within the first five-minutes, however, I was quite confused. They showed and referenced the Yellow King?! How was everybody wondering who he is the whole time when they blatantly said it within the first five minutes of the very first episode? As the episode progressed I grew more and more confused. Much of the plot was unexplained and dialogue referenced things that the viewer was supposed to know but had no way of knowing, nor ever explained.  The two detectives seemed to have a strange relationship and a lot of background that never was shown—I was completely lost. Thinking maybe I was too dazed during that episode, I decided to make a more cognitive effort to focus during the second.  I didn’t touch my phone, I was in the zone.  Yet, it still made no sense, what so ever. For the life of me I could not understand how the masses followed the show or enjoyed it because it made zero sense.

It took me three episodes…THREE EPISODES…to realize I was watching the show from end to finish, and now I can’t go back because I know how it ends.  I bought the book and went straight to the last page.  Here I was thinking everybody was an idiot for liking this show, when I was the fool. I bet I would have actually enjoyed it had I not dyslexicly viewed it.  Hopefully I’ll learn how to read by the time season two rolls around.

Campus Chowdown: Conrad’s East Lansing

For the first episode of our new food porn web series “Campus Chowdown“, my good friend Al Karsten and I head to our favorite East Lansing grub spot—Conrad’s Collegetown Grill—where we attempt to throw back 3 gigantic wraps each.  Check it out!

Jared & Cort’s Sports Report: Episode 1–NFL Divisional Playoffs

Jared & Cort’s Sports Report: Episode 1–NFL Divisional Playoffs

The inaugural episode of Jared & Cort’s Sports Report! A weekly Sports Talk Show from the unique perspective of Channel 9 and 10‘s SPORTS Director Jared Smith and myself. I slipped up and called him the News Director—but he is not, he’s the Sports Director (I had the jitters and was nervous! Let it go). The combination of Jared’s professional insight with my…witty banter we re-cap the last week in the Sports world, while forecasting the upcoming week. Our chemistry really comes through and shows. The things we say on the mic are no different than the conversations we have off of it.

In this weeks episode we break-down the epic Divisional Playoff battles from last weekend, and make our picks/predictions on the upcoming Conference Championship games.

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Squares in Circles: Gag Reel

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I put together a blooper reel from a short-film (Squares in CIrcles) I wrote/directed with some pals. Please pardon our French, we were having fun. Hopefully, I’ll get the full short-film up on here in the near future for your viewing pleasure (or disgust if you wanna be a d*** about it). It’s about a college-kid named Dylan (played by my friend and co-producer Al Karsten) who gets dumped flat on his face after his girlfriend’s father catches his inappropriate stand-up act. After the break-up he realizes he is completely alone and struggles to fit-in on campus, until he meets a stoner (played by yours truly) who seems to have it all going for him…but behind closed doors deals with some loneliness of his own. The video also features the very funny Dan Noble, who vomits hilarity in these bloopers (quite literally at parts, which—I apologize for ahead of time, but it had to make the cut). Finally, our beloved angel, AJ Hensen makes a cameo.

Hope you enjoy, stay tuned for the full 30-minute short.

Pranksta Rap

Making music is fun. Although, I admit I’m far from a “musician”, I’ve always enjoyed making “Pranksta Raps”. This is a funny number we made called That Guy (At The Party) and it’s about…that guy at that party.  We all have seen him (or her) doing outlandish things to bring themselves attention at the party. The song features John Eldon, Matt Elliott, and Joe, production/original beat by Nick Bognar; it’s from the perspective of those douchebags who don’t see a problem with their behavior. I just ordered a new microphone so I’m going to start making some more little jingles like this to share.  Enjoy.

South Park: Beyond the Farts

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They say watching too much TV will rot your brain.  Perhaps my brain has already rotted and turned to mush, but I have to disagree with this quote.  Yes, there is a lot of garbage on TV today that certainly does society no good (from Honey Boo Boo to Jersey Shore) but there is a program that’s been on TV a long time serving as a compactor for all the trash on TV–South Park.

I know what you’re thinking, South Park is trash.  It’s toilet humor. Offensive to Christians, African Americans, Jews,Asians, Whites, Hispanics, Mormons, Scientologists, Gays, Straights, Aliens, Goths, Obese, Homeless…I could keep this sarcastic, italicized list going but I think you get the point and/or have heard it before, and hopefully find it as laughable as I do.  Creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone poke fun at EVERYBODY, and do a stellar job at it.  They accurately point out the flaws that exist inside all of us. They attack Conservatives and Liberals alike.  They are, in fact, equal opportunity offenders.  So, stop taking it so personally, softie.

It’s not my mission to talk about the criticisms of SP, though, I just had to say hi to the haters.  My thesis is that Matt and Trey are geniuses.  I don’t throw that word out there often, but that’s what they are.  They are in a small fraternity of modern comedy “geniuses” (in my personal opinion, no true list exists) along with: Larry David, Louis CK, Jerry Seinfeld, Ricky Gervais (many will disagree with this but look at his track record and what he’s done) and I’m going to conclude my list there.  To me, that list is today’s comedy geniuses.  I would even take it a step further, by saying they are the best writers in TV today (yes, I know Trey writes and all that but I will be using “they” because as they point out in 6 Days to Air, they are a team and one cannot thrive successfully without the other). They tackle taboo subjects that no other show dare go near, and truly make you think and reflect–whether it’s Honey Boo Boo, Amendment Rights, Presidential Elections, Concussions in Football, etc they hit the nail on the head with what is wrong with our society and pop culture.  Which leads me to say most of the shows critics, probably just don’t get the joke.

Vigilantism is illegal.  You cannot, legally, go out and protect the streets from bad guys and take matters into your own hands.  I saw with my own two eyes the masses take to Twitter to publicly proclaim what they would do to George Zimmerman if they saw him.  As much as we all wanted justice to be served, we could do nothing.  The Judicial System failed and we just have to live with it, right? Wrong.  It is not illegal to put Zimmerman to death on the electric chair on your TV show.  That is exactly what Matt and Trey did.  In a way, justice was served last Wednesday when South Park put Zimmerman in his place.

Another recent episode that I found to be very inspirational and accurate was their take on the “Bully” movie, in their Season 16 Episode, “Butterballs“. I don’t want to give away many spoilers, I’d rather you watch it for yourself.  It contains some of the best writing, both comically and in thought, that I’ve seen in a long, long time.  This quick clip shows the genius writing and point of view they have: http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/412207/night-grandma.  Smart, funny, and really connects with the audience.  In that same episode, Trey and Matt convey how they feel if a director/filmmaker truly feels that their product is a “must see” like “Bully” was, that it should be available for free–not something to make a profit out of.  No coincidence, this is how they feel about their own work.  All episodes can be viewed for free online at SouthParkStudios.com.

The next time you hear somebody talking about how South Park is nothing more than toilet humor, do what Cartman would do and “kick ’em square in the nuts”.

With Love and Laughter,

Cort Freeman